I want to fall madly in love, Suezelle.
A very close friend of mine sent me this message on Facebook. I don’t know why she randomly sent me that thought, but I found myself caught in a puzzle. I’ve fallen in love. Deeply. And I keep falling in love with people, with things, with places. And then it goes nowhere. There’s always a problem. There’s always something that blocks the progress. And then I withdraw.
But this is not about me; it’s about this friend. She went on to say:
Doesn’t matter if it ends good or bad, but you got to feel what you got to feel, right?
I want to fall madly in love. Just once. Even if it doesn’t end well.
So here’s a little message to you, my darling.
It’s not easy to fall in love. There is no documented recipe or formula. Neither can it be prescribed by someone. The word love is invariably treated like a feather that floats with the breeze. And when you find yourself so madly in love with someone, little do you understand your own steps.
A strong-headed woman like you will find it all the more difficult. The boys I’ve met like such women, but not to fall in love. I don’t know why. Sometimes, I want to speak with 10 boys and ask them if they’d fall in love with me. If yes, why? And if no, why? But let me walk you through the experience.
I’ve been in this situation at least three times with every new one making it all the more difficult. It’s given that we like this one person’s company. For me, I just liked spending time with him, speaking with him about my day, sharing bits and pieces about my family, sharing my future plans only with the hope that somewhere I will get a sense of what’s going on in his head.
I think about him all day. All the time. And then you’ll find yourself smiling at yourself. You start telling yourself a story that you’ve convinced yourself with. You sing. You want to dance more than ever. You want to be happy. You ARE happy. You’re in love. And that’s when you want things to work out. You start to get greedy. I wanted him. I wanted him with me all the time.
And let me clarify, when I did fall in love, I wanted it to be smooth. So I didn’t even hold his hand, let alone a kiss. These were small realisations that drew me closer to him. And then I had to stop. And like every other time, I withdrew. Every time I spoke about him, I had friends who wanted to fall in love in a similar manner, but only I knew what they were hoping for.
While you opened up to me, I don’t think I’m the right person to guide you here. I’ve invariably failed, and I’ve failed because I still don’t get my way out of this maze. But read this what Naren shared with me.
Love isn’t just about how you feel or how someone makes you feel. Love should be an act. What are you willing to do unconditionally? Love is about clarity – stating your intentions and moving forward with purpose and conviction. Love is about vulnerability – allowing yourself to be hurt. Love is not a memory. It is an ever present source of strength.
Falling in love comes naturally. Someone will come along and just fiddle with your mind, and then with your heart. As long as you don’t sow hope, you will be fine. But the moment you do, remember, hope grows faster than any plant. It dwarfs everything around it when it cuts through the roof.
Fall in love. It’s the best feeling. But when it doesn’t work, condition your mind to fall out of it as well. Because then it’s time to archive this and begin again.